Some people might be hesitant to call themselves a “Pothead,” which is understandable due to decades of bad press and negative portrayals. But if you look at successful potheads, such as Jimi Hendrix (and many others), a sense of pride begins to emerge. What follows is a list of examples illustrating the weed lifestyle, designed to help you to be proud to call yourself a “PotHead.”
1. You Speak the Language
Whether you’re a white girl from an affluent suburb in New Jersey, a Vietnamese guy from Orlando, or a Mexican nerd hunkered down in a Los Angeles basement, the weed world has its own language. The first couple of times you just respond to everything people say with “yeah, dude” or “cool man.” Then before you know it, you’re finding yourself understanding the conversation happening around you. Once you’re a year in you could write the script for Grandma’s Boy 2: Great Grandma’s Boy.
2. You’re Able to “Stop by the Spot” and Grab a Nice Fresh Bag of Your Favorite Strain
This trick comes with being deep in the pothead world. Over time you become friends with the distributor of your weed, and you can place a text order on the way home from work or after dinner, just as easily as stopping at the store for six-pack of Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA. With just a text you can swing into “the spot” grab a sack, more than likely rip a bong, then either play video games or go home. Which leads to the next sign.
3. You Consider Your Dealer a friend
At this point, unless you’ve known this person before you knew weed, the signs are starting to point toward the inevitable. Sure, on your first trip you’re paranoid and scared stiff going over to purchase an illegal substance. But once you get there and have a sess, the tension eases. After two months, you two are throwing down hand shakes like those seen at a Wiz Khalifa concert. Then you start hanging out with her even without purchasing any Mary Jane. BBQ’s, Bar Mitva’s, and the bowling league on Tuesday night. WFF. (Weed Friends Forever)
4. Your Ability to Judge Weight by Sight Astounds Your Friends
A real pothead can often guess the weight of most any plant material. After all, you’re spending a lot of money to know what an ounce looks like. This skill also comes in handy for making sure you don’t get shorted. You can go to the farmers market and buy your fresh veggies for the best price. Not to mention, it’s a great party trick that can score you someone’s bag.
5. Short Term Memory Loss is Not a Concern
What did I go to Starbucks for? Weren’t my keys right here on the counter? Why don’t my socks match? These are just a few examples of memory loss caused by weed. But without them, we would never have movie titles such as “Dazed and Confused” and “How High.” Realistically, we’re talking about the best part of marijuana. The short term memory loss is the stress reliever part of the experience, taking all of the minutiae of the day away. As a pothead, you’re all about that mellow and relaxed feeling. Think of it as reflection time.
6. Your Piece Collection is Better Than Your China Collection
Pipes, bongs, double bubblers, bag vaporizers, oil pens and the ever popular steam roller. Do guests in your house frequently compliment you on your impressive collection of these items? Or do they marvel over your China collection, your vases, or ask where you got a cool piece of artwork? Well my friend, if you answered “yes” to the first question, take this as another sign that you’re a pothead. And if you’re asking yourself what a China collection is, then you might have already come to the conclusion that you’re a pothead.
7. You Smoke Weed Everyday
Hey man what time is it? Time to get high! Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Satrday, Sunday are the days of the week and you are smoking during each and every one. You could be quoted as saying, “I only smoke on days that end in Y.” Whether you chief down a blunt when you get home, have a sess with your roomies before heading out for the day, or you’re a stealth lunch break smoker, as a pothead you will make time in your day to blaze.
8. You’ve Been High in Front of Your family
You know that you can function in everyday life high, and the biggest test is showing up to Mom and Dad’s house for Sunday brunch high as a kite. These people have known you your entire life, so they know when something is “different” about you. Once they’ve noticed you’re on cloud 9, prepare for the ridicule or criticism to commence. While being high in front of your parents can be quite scary, if they’re cool and already know, you can have some of the most fun you have ever had while being high. But if you’re not lucky enough to have parents who’ve been there, then you’ll have to become a ninja. All of your tools come out: eye drops, breath mints, a shower and clean clothes and a quiet demeanor. Either way, if you’re a pothead, you’ve already pulled this off or will do so in the very near future out of necessity.
9. You Like Smoking Out in Nature
Ahh, the great outdoors! Potheads have an affinity for nature and all things natural, hence why we smoke weed, and not meth. A pothead’s logic is, “Weed comes from nature, so nature is good, so I should smoke this bud in nature, man.” While having a “That 70’s Show” basement is great on hot days, nothing compares to blowing smoke into the wind at sunset while sitting on the beach. Or reaching the top of the mountain on your hike and sparking up to really enjoy the view. Potheads have been known to sit on rocks, talk to animals, swim naked, meditate in a grassy field and stare at trees or the sky. So get outside and enjoy nature you Pothead, you.
10. Most of Your Sessions are Solo Dolo
Life is far too busy to smoke with a friend every time. A pothead would have to have a permanent sidekick to be able to smoke with someone each time he lights up. So, much of our weed is consumed Solo Dolo. You could pop around the corner into an alley way, take a stroll around the lake, sit in your car for a hot box, or just lay on the couch after a long day of work. Being a pothead can sometimes be lonely, but you can always point out the other potheads during your day, leaving you feeling the unspoken bond of solo smoking.
11. You Create One-of-a-Kind Meals
Every pothead has been stricken by the munchies. I’m sure you’ve found yourself attacking the kitchen like Alex from “Grandma’s Boy.” It starts with a Dorito peanut butter, Nutella and jelly sandwich, and moves to lasagna pizza, a four egg omlet with pistachios, cheddar cheese and chia seeds, a five inch tall grilled cheese and tomato sandwich, or a 15 ingredient burrito. Wherever your creativity takes you, just know that your munchie meal will be epic and you’ll enjoy it more than dining in a five star restaurant.
12. You’ve Invented New Ways to Smoke
From time to time due to short term memory loss, a pothead has been left with weed but no papers, pipe, bong or vape pen. Does that stop us? No! We can make smoking contraptions that even the best design engineers would be proud of. Is that an empty V8 can? Are you going to eat that apple? Check out this gravity bong I made out of your milk jug. The bottom line is that a pothead is already creative and won’t skip smoking because there’s no pipe.
13. You Never Cough
A pothead just doesn’t do it. You’ve been smoking so long that nothing phases you. A dab bong hit will murder a noob. But a pothead will eat the hit.